My Birth

At 6:46 on the evening of the twentieth day of May, two thousand and seven, I ceased to be Wee Too, the Insider, and proudly became Eric Tyler, an Outsider. I thank you all with such kindness for following this blog of mine. It is with both happiness and sadness that I sit here, an Outsider, to type my final entry. I wish each and every one of you all the best.

The Birth of Eric Tyler

Chapter I. Darn Steak
To provide a little background, a few weeks ago my Grampy P. called Mommy to let her know he would be in the city soon, and that he'd like to take us all out for supper. "Great!" my Mommy exclaimed. "When do you plan to be up?" "On the 19th," he replied. "What?! Do you honestly think I'll be going to dinner then? It is my due date! Surely, surely, Wee Too will have arrived by then! Silly, silly father of mine." Well, that was the end of it. Mommy finished working, went on leave, and spent many an uncomfortable day being hauled around the house by an energetic toddler - my very own big brother. On the 18th - just this past Friday, my dear Grampy phone Mommy, and smugly said, "Still up for that dinner." Mommy grumped.

Grampy arrived, and I was still safe and sound on the Inside. Mommy grumped some more, and grampy looked triumphant for being right. Poor Mommy. We all loaded into the car; me and Mommy, Daddy and big brother, Grampy P., and Nanny O., who had come to stay with us to watch over big brother while Daddy was at work. Poor Mommy. The meal was delightful. The waitress saw us all making merry, drinking our coffee and tea, eating our bread, and asked if we were celebrating anything. Grampy P. remarked that it was Mommy's due date. Mommy grumped and sunk into her seat a little. I sighed, and waited for the meal. Mommy and I ordered a very big steak, with lots and lots and lots of peppers, and yummy stuff on the side. Stomach groaned, for he is not terribly find of red meat. I just lay there, upside down.

The meal was grand, and Mommy liked it very much. The sun set on the due date, and all Mommy and I could do was sigh that it had come and gone. Sigh. We bid farewell to Grampy, and settled into bed; we'd have to wait some more.

Midnight came, and with it, I was officially overdue. Daddy laid in the bed next to us, snoring, and making strange Daddy sounds, like most Daddy's do. Mommy and I slept, though very lightly. An hour past midnight - that is to say, one in the morning, Mommy began to feel very strange. Crampy. Icky. I awoke. Ughhhhhh. I was being...squished. I was just laying around, submitting to the fact that I'd be in here for ever. Then...squeeze! Then...nothing. Mommy groaned, and mentally kicked herself for ordering a big steak. We laid there in bed, half awake, and half asleep, Mommy trying to muster the energy to reach the night stand and get a Tum for her tummy. Then...squeeze! "Ughhhhh," went I, as my face got all squished up, and my home got two sizes too small. "Poor Stomach! That steak must have been a killer on her! She must be convulsing or something," I thought as my home relaxed again.

For the next hour, Mommy felt really crampy, and I felt periodically squished. So periodically squished, in fact, that Mommy began to doubt it was the steak after all. Squish. Time. Squish. 20 minutes. Squish. Time. Squish. 20 minutes. With that, Mommy thought it fitting to wake the snoring beast that is my Daddy.

"Daddy, Daddy! Wake up! Wake up! I think I'm having contractions?" The snoring beast stirred, and rolled over, thinking it was the steak, and almost reaching for Tums. But, he could hear the sincerity in Mommy's voice. This was real. I felt my own stomach sink, and the butterflies began to swirl. Contractions? Squish. Squeeze. Ughhhhh.

Chapter II. Nice Day for a Walk
Daddy turned on the lights, and helped Mommy and I to the bathroom. Poor Mommy could hardly walk, and every time she did, it squished my head. Oww. In the bathroom, Mommy discovered she was bleeding a little. "Don't panic!" she called out to Daddy, who was frantically packing the last few items into our hospital bag. The squeezing was getting tighter, and more frequent. This either the real thing, or Mommy ate the mother of all steaks. I called out to my fellow Insiders, "Help!" I cried. "Wh...what's going on here? Do you feel it? Contractions? Wh...what'll I do?" Uterus was getting noisy, and I could barely make out the voice of my dear friend, Stomach. "It's time, Wee Too! You're time has come! Uterus, she is angry, and she wants you out. You're ready! You can do this!" "N...no, I'm not. I'm not ready. I don't know what to do! I want my stork. I want my balloon ride through the night! I don't want Uterus! Uterus! Oh, Uterus! Stop!"

But, Uterus was not stopping. She was grinding her teeth - metaphorical ones, of course, and Uterus' rarely have teeth, thank goodness. She was bearing down on me at intervals of 8 or ten minutes. Daddy prepared a shower for my Mommy, who could barely lift her legs over the side of the tub. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Daddy did not know what to think. I cool shiver came over him, reminding him of the excitement he felt waiting for his parents to wake him on Christmas morning. "Its time," he thought.

After a painful shower, Mommy dressed, and Daddy escorted her upstairs, suitcase in hand. Nanny O. was sleeping on the couch, dreaming sweet dreams about pop corn. Mommy fixed her hair in the bathroom mirror, as Daddy woke Nanny. "Ummm...I think we are going to the hospital. Mommy has been having contraction since one, and they are getting closer." Mommy screamed, and breathed short little breaths as Uterus tightened around me. "Oh my Heavens! Really?" remarked a startled and sleepy Nanny. Daddy left instructions for what Nanny should do when big brother wakes, and out the door we went.

In the car, we were all quiet. The sun had yet to rise, and the streets were empty. Rain fell from the sky, and the darkness of the night and the storm closed around Daddy like Uterus around me. Daddy still felt that nervous, excited shiver. Mommy felt pain. I felt like I was going to be sick. This couldn't really be it? For all the waiting I'd done, it looked like my time was here, but I did not feel ready. I felt a lump in my throat. "I can't come yet! I promised Bladder a game a checkers! She'll be disappointed. Uterus? Please stop! I'm not ready! I don't know if I'll be a good son just yet! Give me time!" Uterus did not listen, and only clamped harder.

After a half hour of driving, we arrived at the hospital. Daddy felt a wave of significance pass over him as we passed through the doors. "Wee Too passes through these doors on the Inside. Next time we travel though, he'll be in our arms, coming home, and Outsider." Mommy just felt pain as another contraction made her weak.

After the customary administrative details, we were upstairs in the big baby hospital, lying on a bed, a monitor listening to my heart, and one measuring the anger of Uterus. According to the results, Uterus was not terribly angry, and I was not terribly affected. "What???!" I exclaimed, as I heard the nurse ask Mommy if they could possibly be something else. I was furious! Here I was, being squeezed out of house and home by my home. Mommy was walking bow-legged and doubling over in pain. Daddy was shaking with excitement. The nurse checked Mommy to see if Cerra C. Cervix had opened any more. Nope. No progress? I was stunned. Momentarily, I forgot my apprehension about becoming an Outsider. But I soon realised something else; Uterus seemed a little less angry. She seemed, in fact, like she may have gone to sleep.

Soon, Mommy and Daddy and I were told to go on a walk to try and make Uterus more angry, and Cervix more open. The sky was a dull grey in the morning light, and rain fell coldly from the sky. Mommy and Daddy walked to the big parking garage; the only place they could walk free from the rain on this dreary morning. We all felt a little down as we made out way by the parked cars and nesting birds. "It could go on like this for a week," Mommy lamented. Daddy did not know what to say. He knew Mommy was right. Things were happening, but they seemed to have slowed dramatically.

We sauntered into the big baby hospital after an hour of walking. Uterus seemed to be sleeping. Cervix seemed to be stubborn. We were given the option to remain in the hospital, receive some medication for the pain, and try to rest, or to return home. We chose to return home; to see big brother. To rest in our own bed, and to have a nice warm bath. Daddy drove us with some dejection. "Maybe not today."

Chapter III. "I Will Not Go!"
We pulled into the driveway to find big brother standing in the window in his PJs, waiting to greet us. A huge smile wiped across Mommy's face as she waved back. Then. "Ughhhhhh!" squeeze. Squeeze. Ughhhhhhh! Mommy got weak in the driveway. Uterus was not sleeping.

After making several telephone calls, Mommy and I took big brother down to lay in the bed with us for a nice Sunday morning nap. Uterus was not sleeping, but she was also not terribly ambitious. Daddy rubbed us, and we all drifted slowly into the land of sleep, waking briefly every 12 minutes when Uterus decided to get mad. Well, Mommy slept. I just couldn't I was too confused, upset, and excited. When it looked like I was making my journey, I got scared, and wanted it to stop. Uterus stopped, and I immediately got sad because she had. I could not understand why I felt so fickle. Stomach reassured me that all my feelings were perfectly normal. I tried to rest. For the first time that day, I knew in my heart that the time had come. I close my eyes, swallowed a lump in my throat, and waited.

Just two short hours later, Mommy and I both woke up. Uterus was getting madder. Squeeze! Time. 10 minutes. Squeeze. Time. 8 minutes. We laid in bed as Daddy timed how mad Uterus was. With an iron will I yelled, "Bring it on, Uterus! Give me all you have!" Uterus tightened around me, and I yelled in both pain and excitement.

My Aunty M. had arrived at our home. It had been agreed that she would accompany Mommy, Daddy and I to the big baby hospital to watch my graduation from the Inside. She helped Daddy lift Mommy and I from the bed, and into the bathroom. Mommy grew weak as the anger of Uterus grew to within five minutes. I could sense Daddy was getting nervous; "I'm nervous, Mommy. Shouldn't we go back to the big baby hospital?" With resolution to stay at home as log as possible, Mommy gritted her teeth as Uterus contracted. "No! Run me a bath. I need to shave my legs." "Yes M'am" replied a jittery Daddy, not willing to contradict a labouring Mommy too much.

Mommy laid in the bath, and Daddy helped her to relax. I just lay on the Inside, a look of determination on my face, meeting each of Uterus' fits of rage with strength and will beyond anything I knew I had. It was wearing on Mommy. Between the fits of Uterine anger, I could hear my pals chatting on the Inside. Bladder, it seemed, had heard from Esophagus, who had heard from Sinus, who had heard from Brain that Mommy did not want to leave the house. All my Insider friends were in quite a panic.

The fury of Uterus grew stronger, and even I was finding it difficult to stand up to all of her rage. Mommy was growing weak, but refused to leave the bath. Big brother came in, sensing that something was amiss. He hollered, "Up! Up!" A contraction hit Mommy, she went pale, and began to breathe through it. Big brother laughed, and made little breathing sounds himself, encouraging Mommy. To me he said, "Fun, eh? She you soon, little guy!" then he went off to play with a bus.

Lunch time had passed, and Daddy helped a reluctant Mommy from the tub. The squeezes were nearly unbearable, and were spaced all of 4 minutes apart. Mommy dressed, and hobbled upstairs. "I'm alright. Its noting; probably just the steak. Make me lunch, you silly husband!" she spoke. Daddy made a fine lunch of toast with cheese, and made sure everything was ready in the car. Mommy sat at the computer, reading gossip blogs, pretending she felt fine, and gritting her teeth anytime someone said she needed to go to the big baby hospital. Poor Mommy.

I was loosing my strength to meet all of the anger of Uterus. It was becoming too much. I was still on the Inside. It did not feel like I was getting any closer. It was all just too strange. As Mommy finished her toast and Uterus released a wallop of a contraction, Daddy and Aunty M. escorted an unwilling Mommy to the car. Mommy stood in the middle of the driveway, hands on her knees, unable to make it further. Daddy slowly guided her to her seat, and off we went. Back to the big baby hospital. The ride was...uncomfortable. Bumps, and stops and gos and bigger bumps, and contractions, and bumps and oh the pain of it all. I could not face any more of the Uterine anger. I lay on the Inside, letting them come and go. Squeeze and release.

Again the car was parked, and again Mommy lay on a bed, a monitor measuring my heart beat, and Uterus' anger. Again, it said Uterus was rather pleasant. Silly monitor. The nurses could see that Mommy was visibly shaken, and in great pain. Even though Cervix had not opened any further, they decided to admit Mommy into a birthing room. This was it. Early afternoon had rolled around, the rain had stopped, and a few rays of sun could be seem shining through the trees. Mommy lay on the bed, feeling miserable, breathing deep and slow through contractions as Daddy and Aunty M. encouraged her. Everything around me seemed to swirl, and lump together, and squeezes blended together, and it was more than I could stand. I just wanted out.

Chapter IV. Nurse?! Nurse!!
Seeing the obvious discomfort of Mommy, nurse ordered some relief for Mommy. The relief is a magical tonic that goes into Mommy's back, and spreads everywhere, making it much more pleasant for both Mommy and I. "Ahhhh...relief!" I thought. Uterus had begun screaming and pounding, and yelling, "Get out! Get out!" Things were getting pretty bad on the Inside. The Doctor arrived shortly to administer the relief. Mommy was told to lean forward, and make herself into a little Ball. This kind of squished me, and made me feel funny. "Just a little poke to freeze the site," commented the Doctor. "Owwwww! Ohhhhh! Owwwwww!" said Mommy as a poke or two or three mixed with a contraction or two or three. "It'll feel like pressure in your back," calmly commented the Doctor. "Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww" yelled Mommy in considerable pain. Another poke. Another. A few more freezing pokes. Mommy winced and wept in pain. I grew angry! More pokes. Soon, a new Doctor tried. "Please work! Please work!" I prayed. Then, "Whoah!" and everything felt funny. It was like Uterus had turned into a big squishy wet foamy thing and was squishin' and I wasn't makin' any sense an' Mommy felt better an' I was gettin' tired. Doctor was successful. The immediate drowsiness passed, and I adjusted to the new sensations. I could feel Uterus kicking and punching, and she felt strong, but in a different way. It is hard to explain.

A new Doctor came in while Mommy and I were enjoying out magical tonic. Water breaking time. First, Doctor checked my pal Cervix. Around 4 cm. "Woopity doo!" I called out in an only half coherent state. The magical tonic was great. Doctor explained the process of breaking the water, but, unfortunately, I was not paying very close attention at that point. I was contemplating whether Uterus felt like a big wet sponge or a rubber sheet. Then, all of a sudden..."what the...?" Water went rushing everywhere. "Help! I'm beached!" I called out! Uterus laughed, and squeezed harder! My head felt tingly. It felt like I was moving, or sliding, or something. I could not tell exactly, as the magical tonic had dulled my senses. I kicked and punched and flailed, trying to adjust to my now dry environment. There was no turning back.

The nurse wrote 1822h in her book as the time the water was broke. I kicked, and slid. Let me tell you, my dear friends, it was the strangest sensation I've ever had. I was sliding down further and further. Everything felt different. Air touched my head. Mommy lay there, calm at first. Then...

"Nurse! Nurse! Oh, it hurts! The tonic?! It is not working! Oh, nurse, Ugrhhhhhhhhhhh! Oh! I feel like I've gotta push!" stammered Mommy! "Oh! Mommy! Urghhhhhhhhhh! I feel like I've gotta...be...born! Oh, what's going on...here!" I hollered as Uterus tightened violently around me. Nurse took notice, and checked my friend, Cervix. "Get Good Doctor." nurse calmly requested on the intercom, as she prepared a tray of tools, and spoke evenly to my Mommy who was yelling of her need to push.

I could feel Daddy at my Mommy's side, amidst the confusion of tightening, and the urge to be born. Daddy's speech was light and broken, as he wiped sweat from his brow. He grew white. It was all happening so fast. Still, it was just the good nurse in the room with us. Mommy was yelling about wanting to push. Daddy was near fainting. I was wanting to be born.

"If you feel like you need to push, push," calmly said our nurse. Do you feel my finger? Push down." Mommy pushed. Uterus spasmed. What the heck???! I was sliding down even more. My thoughts were racing. I did not know what to do. I couldn't do anything, really. I was so close.

Mommy cried out that she wanted Good Doctor. Fortunately, Good Doctor lives very close by, and ran into the room. I heard her footsteps. I heard then not through Mommy's belly, but from the Outside. I was almost there. Mommy lay on the bed, holding back her pushes. Daddy stood by her side, pale as could be, nearly slipping in the pool of his own sweat that had collected. "Push!" yelled Good Doctor. I heard people scuffling around. "Push!"

"What th..." How can I possibly explain this. My head was out. That was all. Just my head. Mommy was ordered to stop pushing. I was stuck, a little In, a little Out. I felt something 'round my neck. "Strange," I though amidst the confusion, "I don't remember putting on a scarf?" Then I heard a clip, and the scarf was off and a "Push!" and...

Oh my goodness! I was out! Someone was holding me and there were colours and people and noises and cold and air and towels, and blankets and everything going on and what do I do?! I was rushed to a warm table, and laid down. My head swirled, and I did not know if I was dreaming. What was going on?! It was more than I could take, and I let out a big sob. I heard Mommy and daddy cry tears of joy with my cry of confusion. What was going on?!

I was wrapped in a blanket - oh, what a warm blanket it was! What a lovely, cozy, warm blanket. My cry subsided. I stretched out my arms and legs. I had room! I embraced the blanket around me. I had warmth! The sights and sounds flooded through me, and my crying stopped. I laid there, warm. An Outsider.

Chapter V. Mommy and Daddy
As I lay on the table being poked and prodded and cleaned and wrapped, everything went silent for a moment. To my right was a window. My head turned to face it. I saw my dear stork, Edgar, hovering outside in his balloon, wearing goggles, and holding a pair he had made special for me. He gave me a smile, and drifted up high into the sky.

As Edgar faded out of sight, the world came back, and there I was, tightly wrapped in warm blankets, being carried across the room. I was plced in the waiting hand of my Daddy. He laid me down on Mommy's chest. This was the moment I'd waited for. I melted into her, as I looked longingly into her eyes. She stared back. "He's the most beautiful baby in the world," both Mommy and daddy stammered, as they looked at me. I melted deeper into Mommy, feeling the love she felt for me fuse us together. She was so beautiful as I looked at her that first time. I melted into my Mommy, and she into me.

Together, the three of us embraced. I was wrapped in the blankets, but more importantly, I was wrapped in the warm and loving arms of my Mommy and Daddy. A shiver passed over me as I realised I was no longer Wee Too. I laid on Mommy's chest, Eric Tyler.

Epilogue
I've been an Outsider for several days now. I'm home, safe and sound with Mommy and Daddy. Its going to be a good life, folks. I sleep each night, safe and secure, wrapped warm and snug. I cuddle deep in the strong arms of my Daddy; whatever this world of yours may bring, I know that my Daddy will always be there with me to face it. I lie warm and sung on my Mommy's chest; and embrace every second of it. This is what I looked so forward to. When I lay there, I can feel Heart so strong and proud in my Mommy's chest. Way back when we all found out I was a baby with Down syndrome, Heart sunk so deep within Mommy. Even until I was born, Heart still hung a little ower than she used to be. Now, as I lay here, looking at my Mommy, I can feel that Heart is higher than she has ever been. It's going to be a good life, everyone. Let's get started.

With that, I wish you all farewell. I wish you all the best in all that you do. I wish you happiness, and kindness, and understanding. I sadly end this blog, but with great pride and happiness, I begin my life.

Name: Eric Tyler
Weight: 6 lbs, 14 oz
Length: 19.5 inches
Disposition: Just lovely
Hobby: Pooping and Sleeping
Salutation: Good night, all.

Stay Tuned...

Stay tuned, each and every one of you for the fantastic, funfilled, and always happy story of my final journey. Over the next couple of days, I hope to post. As a teaser, here's me! Cheerio, fellow Outsiders!

Things are Happenin' (slooooowly)

Chip, chip, tap. Chip, chip, tap. Splunk.

That is the cheerful sound of a wee little baby (me) hammering away at a fine (mucus) plug. Chip, chip, tap. As part of my graduating from the Inside present, Bladder gave me a Junior Geologists fun kit. It has a little hammer, and a small broom for sweeping away fossils and membranes. Since yesterday, I've been chipping and tapping away at good ole plug. I feel like a miner. This evening, all my chipping and tapping paid off. Splunk. I finally tapped that old plug out of the way! I'm one step closer to becoming an Outsider!

The past couple of days have actually been rather eventful. On Tuesday evening, I started making Mommy feel really crampy. I had been tickling Uterus, as I read this was a sure fire way to aggravate her. It worked, somewhat. She got tight for a bit, then yelled, then loosened, then stayed tight for a day, then loosened, and now is sleeping. She was mad, but not mad enough to squeeze me out. Angry Uterus made Mommy really crampy. She said things like, "Oh my uterus!" and "Keep on a crampin'! Labour, here I come!" But, labour has, unfortunately not come yet.

On Wednesday morning, I had my weekly appointment with Good Doctor. She did the normal things, like listent o my heart, and take Mommy's blood pressure, and ask how we were doing, and so on. Mommy asked if she could check to see if any progress was being made on my arrival. So, Good Doctor did. And the news was good! You see, in order for me to come out, I have to pass by the Guardian. The Guardian is a girl named Cerra C. Cervix. She is really storng, and holds me safely Inside. When you knock on her door, she asks you a question. When you get it right, she opens her door 1 cm. So far, I've knocked on her door a few times, and have got three questions right! Knock once, I did, and C. C. Cervix did ask, "What is your name?" "Wee Too" replied I with confidence. I came back the next day, and knocked again did I. "What is your quest?" she did ask. "To seek the Outside". And she opened centimeter two. I came back again, and knocked thrice. "What is your favourite colour?" and with confidence I replied, "Blue." A third centimeter she did open. So, when Good Doctor checked Mommy, she replied, "Goodness! Wee Too has been busy! 3 cms dilated! Goodness" Mommy shreiked with joy at the progress I'd made. I've since asked further questions, but they have all been difficult. The last one was "What is the capital of Assyria" or something like that. Anyway, having made a short story very long, Cervix is openeing, and will soon let me out. Phew. I can be too long winded sometimes. Sheesh.

So, things are happenin'. Plugs are fallin' out. C. C. Cervix is lettin' me see the Outside, a centimeter at a time. Mommy is all crampy, then not crampy, then wants to be crampy again, but isn't then is. Lots going on. I think I might go get some rest now. Things may be moving quicker soon. Hopefully. I'll need my strength if I'm to make my trip into your world. Wish me luck. Hopefully, next time I write, it'll be to regail you with the heroic tale of my journey into the Outside. But, I may still be in here a week or more. Who knows. All my best to you!

Hello? Stork?

Hi everyone! I'm coming to you upside down, uncomfortable, and impatient from my home, the Womb. I knew I never should have booked those tickets to see that puppet show! The darn thing was last week. I thought I'd be out of here by then. Well, I'm not out, the puppet show has come and gone (with rave reviews by all, I might add), and here I am, just a few days away from my expected due date. I know, I know, you are all probably wondering why I'm impatient, when the due date isn't even here yet; well, its because doctors, nurses, Internets, Mommies, Daddies, strangers, strange people, and several muppets have told me I'd be out long ago. I had my stuff packed, turned, and then...nothing. I've been upside down for a month now. I don't like it very much.

Breathe, Wee Too! Breathe! Phew. I get caught up in being impatient sometimes. I am a born procrastinator, as you know, but at the same time, I don't like waiting very much. Especially for something as important as being born! I mean, I was content to be in here, but then I got my hopes up that I'd be out, then everyone told me it would be better if I stayed in and got a little bigger, so I stayed in and got a little bigger, but then I was big enough, but my stork got lost, so I'm still in here and a big toddler whaps me everyday and I like it and I just want out to whap him and play with him too! Breathe! Breathe! Daddy says I am like my Mommy sometimes when I talk like that, and Mommy says, "You try having a baby in your belly nine months!" and Daddy gets quiet and makes me and Mommy sandwiches.

Am I ranting? A little, I guess. I've just been a little bored today. Stomach was sleepy, so she napped all Day. Bladder is mad at me (a little) because I am too big, and the rest of my Insider friends are squished out of the way to make room for big ole me. I received a clown-a-gram today that my Stork is just now clearing customs, and might (possibly) be cleared for flight by Saturday, but no guarantees are being made. The consulate is involved, and lobbying for the stork's clearance. But, I guess I should just bepatient and wait a little while longer. Breathe! Breathe!

Well, I think I might go read an upside down book for a while to pass the time. It is a classic, "O', Contracteth Ye, Mdm. Uterus" It is an epic poem about a distinguished lady named Uterus. I wish you all well, and hopefully I'll see you soon! Hooray for almost being out!

My Stork is Lost!

Still Inside, everyone. Yes, much to the dismay of poor, dear, swollen, sore, and achy Mommy, I'm still holding on here on the Inside. Mommy has been feeling very crampy today, so maybe that is a sign I am ready to graduate from the Inside. I'd like to think so, at least. It is getting very cramped in here. Personally, I'm ready to go. My bags are packed, and I am harnassed into by Stork gear - the straps and swaddle. Edgar appears to be missing in action. I've not heard from my stork in quite some time. Intelligence from Bladder's secret source told me that Edgar went out for a practice run, got caught in the jet stream, and is now over the Himalayas. I certainly hope that this is wrong. I really don't know what I'd do if my Stork were not to show. Daddy told me that Uterus would eventually evict me if the stork does not show. I asked big brother about this, and he described Uterus as an angry, vile, bitter old grump. She squeezed and squoze and pushed him out. It was a very odd experience, he told me. I plan on researching it a bit more, just in case.

Big brother has been playing with me quite a bit lately. He is very anxious to meet me. When poor Mommy is reclining on the couch, watching her shows, big brother comes over shouting, "Bel-ly! Bel-ly!" I get all excited and kick and squirm and punch, and squirm. Big brother then begins with some whapping on Mommy's belly. It is very loud on the Inside. It does not hurt, but I don't think toddlers are the most gentle of the Outsiders. I do like it though. I try to whap back, but it usually sends Mommy to the bathroom because Bladder cries, and then Stomach groans because when big brother whaps it tickles, and I'm ticklish, so I end up reflex kicking Stomach a few good ones. I can't wait until I'm old enough to whap things. It is one of my life's goals, you know. Maybe someday, Mommy will have a different baby in her belly - a little sister or brother - and I can whap him or her. I'd like very much to do that.

Darn. Bladder's European Swallow just flew in, laden with a message. Bladder sent the swallow out on a reconnaissance mission to find out about my stork. From the intelligence gathered by the swallow, it seems that Edgar is not over the Himalayas, but is trapped in an updraft over Norway. He had taken out the balloon to get a feel for 'er, and went a tad too high. He got sucked up into the jet stream, was sent over the Atlantic, and is now stationary over Norway. The Organisation of Storks and Baby Carrying Birds with Big Beaks has sent out a team of specialists to try and get Edgar back over local territory. Let's hope they succeed. So, this means I'll not be coming out too soon, but it all depends on how efficient the rescue team is at getting Edgar back.

So, I think I'll turn out the lights on another day, and wait patiently for either my stork to return, or for Uterus to get angry and evict me. My Insider friends have been dressed in cheerleader outfits for the past week, ready to give me encouragement when the moment arrives for me to make my journey. Stomach has a couple of pom-poms made from shredded garbage bags, and Bowel has a trumpet. Apparently, they have worked on a few cheers especially for me! I can't wait to hear them. Well, I'm off to the land of rest. Wish my stork luck, and hopefully I'll see you all soon!

Still Waiting

Good day, everyone! Well, here I am, at the ripe Inside age of 38 weeks, 1 day, 22 hours and 38 minutes. Quite honestly, I thought I'd be an Outsider like you guys far sooner than this. But, here I am, wedged on the Inside, upside down, waiting ever so patiently for my Stork to give me word. Well, perhaps it is not so patiently sometimes. I don't really like being upside down, and my head is wedged in a terribly uncomfortable position. It used to be that I could fluff up placenta and have a lovely rest; now, I just stand on my little ole head, twiddling my thumbs. It used to be that I could swim around, play go fish with Stomach, and admire Pancreas' paintings. Now, I just stand on my head.

It is not terribly easy for Mommy either. I make her ache, and leak, and creak, and snap, and fool her into thinking I am on my way. I've not lost heart, though. Nor has Mommy. I just know my stork will come through soon. He is probably making some last minute preparations. Bladder heard through the grape vine that there was some last minutes issues with the balloon he had rented for our trip. Something about air space clearance, or something like that. Storks are heavily monitored by national and international flight regulations, you see, so it is very important that proper procedures are adhered. That's just gossip, though.

Other than waiting, I've not been up to a whole lot. Big brother described to me a little bit about how to use a corn popper. I have been practicing the back and forth motions, and think I am getting the hang of it. He told me that it will also come in handy for sweeping the floor - one of big brother's all time favourite games! Mommy and Daddy are getting anxious to meet me - almost as anxious as I am to meet them! Mommy has been quite worried, though, because I have been sloooow lately. It is just so hard to move in here! I try to kick, end up hitting Stomach, who lurches, pushing me into Bowel, who groans, and I get started, and jab Bladder, who makes Mommy go to the bathroom. It used to be so much fun to kick. Now, it just sets off a chain reaction. My Insider friends don't seem to mind. They said that when big brother was in here, it was very much the same. He and Bladder parted was amicably, but I guess there was a bit of tension there for a bit.

Bladder and I have always got along very well, actually, and I count her among my closest for friends. Whenever I'm a bit scared about my Outside life, I can always turn to Bladder; she is a good listener. When I still had the room to move, I made her a drawing, which she has proudly displayed. It is of me and Bladder hugging.

Well, It is just an hour away from 38 weeks, 2 days and 0 minutes here on the Inside. What a ride it has been. Now, I just wait for my Outside life to begin. I've said my good-byes. I've turned, and practiced my moves that I need to do for my Stork ride. I'm ready (I think!). I really hope that the next time I write, it is to tell you that I got word my Stork is on his way. Wouldn't that be exciting?! Oh, will it ever! Until then, I do need to rest. The journey is very tiresome, I've heard. I need to go practice my crying now, for when I come out. Mommy and Daddy told me that they'd like to hear a nice loud cry when I get on the Outside, just to let them know I made it okay. I hope I remember. It is a terribly confusing time, big brother told me. Anyway, I wish you all the best, my friends. Have a super day!

An Old Friend

Me, my Mommy and big brother all went to visit a friend of mine from when he was on the Inside. When Mommy worked, she often worked with another lady who had a baby in her belly. We hit it off very early on; right back when I was no larger than one of those minicorns you put in stir frys. He was a little bit older than me - maybe the size of a kiwi fruit, though not quite as rotund. I used to talk to him all the time. At the time, however, I did not know he was a he. He thought he was a lion, for some reason. It made for very strange and interesting conversation at the time, as I was going through my, "I'm a penguin named Pablo" stage way back when.

Well, this little guy was born some two weeks ago - back in the middle of April. So, he has had a little time to adjust to being an Outsider, but is still young enough that he can hear me when I speak from the Inside. When we got there, he recognised my Mommy's voice, and immediately shouted, "Hey! Wee Too! You made it! Isn't it great out here, dude?"

"Umm, not quite yet!" I replied in a chipper voice. "Still a little time left yet. My stork is oiling his beak, and doing a few final test runs yet. Soon."

"Aw, bummer, dude. My stork back out at the last minute, so the agency sent a vacuum to get me instead. Made my head all pointy 'n stuff, but it got better. Yer pal Stomach still in there?"

"Yeah, Stomach's still here. She's taking a nap with a chicken nugget. Its a shame your stork backed out. Man, I don't know what I'll do if Edgar does not show. He arranged a balloon ride and everything. I got balloonist goggles and a hat and everything."

"Nah, don't worry 'bout my stork. I was his first delivery, so he just got nervous, I think. He is in counselling right now. Man, I tell ya, you're gonna like it out here, dude. We get to go in bouncing chairs, and swings, and be rocked, and sleep in blankets and poop and pee. I play a little game with it. I count my poops each day, and try to beat it the next. I heard a baby down the block got to 8. I'm stuck at 6, but am working on the record now."

This chit chat went on for a while. He certainly seemed to like his new Outside home. He told me stories of stretching, and how it is not a bother at all on the Outside. In here, if I stretch, Mommy pees and Daddy thinks I'm going to pop a foot out of her belly! He told me that he gets to eat milk instead of nutrients filtered through a tube connected to his belly. Pretty cool! He also said that the tube falls off, and it leave a belly button behind! I have heard of those before. Big brother is renowned for his belly button.

As we were talking, he all of a sudden got very quiet, and began to whisper.

"Psssst...Wee Too. There is a big boy with a blue soothie and a big smile patting my head! What'll I do?! Do I play dead, or attack?" came the words of my nervous friend. I began to chuckle.

"(chuckle chuckle) Silly! That's my big brother! Don't worry 'bout him. He's just petting you."

"Like a cat"

"Yup, pretty much. He's about the coolest guy I know. You should see what he can do with a corn popper! Man, it would blow you away!"

With this reassurance, my friend calmed down, and big brother proudly walked away, having brought great satisfaction to the younger of our generation. Before long, my friend was getting super sleepy, and big brother was preparing to leave. So, we all geared up, and left my good friend to sleep a peaceful nap.

"Yawn! See you later, dude. Come and see me any time. Hope to see you on the Outside soon! ZZZZZzzzzzzzzz..."

With that, we left, picked up Daddy from work, and headed for the ole homestead. Since then, I've been very tired and stuck. I have had a couple of naps, but it is hard to sleep for any amount of time. I'm getting so big. I am so upside down! Frankly, I hope to hear from my stork soon. Anyway, I must be getting to bed now. It is very late. I hope this post finds you all well! Cheerio!