Bowel the Bookmaker and Other Things

Please excuse my absence of late folks; I've been dreadfully busy learning how to swaddle and Stork harnass myself (at the request of Edgar, of course). I think I've just about got the swaddling part down. Edgar said the swaddle is very important, as I need to be safe and warm during my trip. That's just an aside, though; I'll talk a little more about my final journey preparations as the time gets a little closer. I have been in further contact with Edgar, but he still has told me nothing about how or when it will all happen!

About a week ago, Bowel got us all together for a little meeting; she said she had something very important to announce. She stood up in Middle Mommy, wearing a funny fedora hat with a feather, pants with suspenders, and a corn cob pipe filled with bubble solution.

"Yup, yup, listen hear. Bowel here. Bowel the bookie. Shhhhhh...I'm, yup, takin' bets on all things Wee Too, yup. Shhhhhhhhhhhhh"

Immediately, everyone began to chatter and whisper, and gasp and sigh and inquire, and eat and whisper. "Now listen hear, yup, yup. I've got Wee Too turning naturally at odds of 1:
2000. Cash, everyone, I want to see cash."

At this, my friend Pancreas popped her head out of her art gallery. She was wearing spectacles, and had paint splattered about her. "I'll take those odds for $1 please." she remarked. Everyone began to whisper, A dollar?! A whole dollar!? Where did she get that kind of money. Bowel began to shuffle around a little. She had become uneasy at the size of the bet, but gained some courage, and accepted it.

"Listen hear, listen hear, you wise Insiders you. I have Wee Too being born before 36 weeks at 1:1000. I have Wee Too being born between 36 and 37 weeks at 1:500; between 37 and 38 at 1:250; between 38 and 39 at 1:125, between 39 and 40 at 1:67, and greater than 40 in at 1:500. Bets, everyone, place your bets."

Interest was piqued. Stomach spoke, "I have 3 buttons and one of those plastic things that go on the end of shoelaces; can I bet those on 38 to 39 weeks?" Bowel thought. While thinking, she happened to glance at her shoes, and noticed her forlorne laces had no plastic things on the end. Filled with compassion for her laces, she accepted the brazen bid.

Not to feel left out, I came in at 0.5 ml amniotic fluid for 37 to 38 weeks. I later upped my bet to 1 ml of amniotic fluid for 37 to 38 weeks, natural birth. The odds were something like 1:5000. If this is the case, I stand to win around 5000 ml of amniotic fluid. That is 5 litres. I don't rightly know what I will do with 5 L of fluid, especially since I'll be an Outsider by that point, but I guess I can find something to do with it. If I loose...well...how are you at making amniotic fluid real fast, Mommy?

Bowel is still lurking around in her fedora. She is taking bets on everything me! It has been quite fun, but I think Bowel is taking it too seriously; she is getting all shifty and everything.

In other news, I suck my thumb! Yes, I've continued that age old tradition started by me Pa. Legend has it that my Daddy sucked his thumb until the ripe old age of 4 or 5. Seeing this as a bad habit for such a man of old, his Mommy and Daddy put pepper and egg salad, and mayo and pickles on his thumb to keep him from sucking it whilst sleeping. It worked. But, I still have many years of quality thumb sucking left. Ahhhhh...thumb. I know I suck my thumb because Mommy and Daddy saw me doing it! On Friday, we had an ultra-sound-a-ma-thing! Yes, another one. This one was to see if I had turned yet (which, of course, showed a big fat no!). It was also to measure my growth and get a closer look at me. Mommy and Daddy wanted to see my face. The nice technicial/nurse zoomed in on my (sleeping) face. There I was, snoozin', dreaming', suckin' me thumb. I woke to a resounding "Awwwwwww", and discovered I was both on the TV, and was sucking my thumb! I was a little embarrassed, but not too much, as everyone seemed to think it was cute.

Oh, before I go, I have a number for you:

4 13/16

Interesting number, eh? Know what it is? It is how much I weigh! Yes, I weigh (as of Friday) 4 pounds and 13 ounces! Hurray! That's pretty big, you know. A quick search let me know that most babies at my stage weigh 5.5lbs. Sure its a bit bigger, but consider this: the average ceramic garden gnome weights exactly 5.5 lbs. A $36.94 ham at Walmart weighs 4 lbs, 13 ounces. Now, tell, me, Mommy: would you rather give birth to a common ceramic garden gnome, or a boneless ham from Walmart? I rest my case. Anyway, that was just silliness. Mommy and Daddy are pleased with how much I've grown, and so am I!

Well, as you can tell, I've been in a silly mood tonight. I hope you have enjoyed it, and I look forward to writing again very soon - certainly not the two weeks that have gone by since my last post. I'll try and be a little more informative and less silly when I post tomorrow (or the day after...). All my best, sweet dreams, and have a great day!