My Story

Hello everyone, and good day to you all. I come to you with the news I am sure many of you were awaiting. On Monday, Mommy and Daddy received the results of my test. I am a baby who has Down syndrome.

After lunch on Monday, we all were relaxing as best we could; Daddy was playing trucks on the floor with big brother, and Mommy was on the couch. Outside, a very nice winter snow fell all round. At just after one o'clock, the phone rang, and Mommy scurried to answer. Daddy stopped in his bus pushing, and big brother drove a firetruck over him. I was a little sleepy, and a little bit hungry, as our lunch was still cooking on the stove. I felt everything on the Inside begin to grow heavy, as my good friend Heart began to sink deep within Mommy. I knew the news. Mommy looked at Daddy, gave him a slow nod, and he knew. Big brother continued to drive his firetruck all 'round.

It was, at that moment, that everything on the Inside melted. Heart was so strong through the ordeal; Heart remained hopeful, and encouraging to me in the days leading up to this moment. But, as the words passed from the phone into Mommy's ears, Heart let go, and in all her strength, she melted into Mommy. I felt the familiar arms of Daddy wrap around Mommy, as they embraced and supported one another in the news. Everything was quiet on the Inside as each of my friends were faced with the news. Poor big brother knew that something was amiss, and joined Mommy and Daddy in a hug, showing off his big toothy grin.

I grew more than a little weak with the news, and sunk within my home. I had been busying myself the morning through with hanging a new painting Bladder had done for me. The picture sat next to my fridge, Placenta, and remained so until just last night, actually. I, too, seemed to melt into the background, and we all sloshed together in a mass of sadness and uncertainty. Only a few weeks ago, this was not a concern of mine. Only a few weeks ago, I typed to you of visiting my Stork, Edgar. Only a few weeks ago, I helped you usher in the year 2007. Physically, I felt no difference from that time, but now, in a moment, everything seemed so different.

In those initial first few moments, while the Grief was still passing though us, so many thoughts ran through my head. In a timid voice, I spoke to Mommy, "I'm here, Mommy," I said with a big, strong kick. "I'm still the same Wee Too that you talked to this morning. I'm still the same Wee Too that you patted and said, 'Look at this!' with glee as you showed off how big I had gotten. I love you Mommy, and even though we know this, I'll be the best little son you could ever imagine. I'll be the best little brother for my big brother." I stammered these things, inaudible to Mommy, trying to clear from my heart the worry and sadness I felt. I will tell you all that at the first few moments, even I shed a tear.

But soon, I began to pull myself together; "For Mommy!" I shouted in determination, as I tried to rustle Heart awake; to pick her up, and put her back in that strong post she belongs in. Heart was still a little mushy, so every time I gently prodded her, she just squished a little, and this kind of made Mommy even sadder. With determination, I began to kick and tap-tap-tap my Mommy, letting her know I was here, and that I was doing okay. More than once, Mommy remarked to Daddy with a happy sigh, "Aw, Wee Too is kicking..."

Soon, Mommy and Daddy picked themselves up off the floor (with the help of big brother, who had grown tired of not having a playmate, and grabbed Mommy by the hand to lead her to some toys). Mommy and Daddy hugged some more, and heard the lunch still cooking away on the stove. It struck me at that moment that even though nothing was actually different - I am still the same as I was last week - everything was so different. Everything was so different that when Daddy even started that lunch that was now sticking to the pan. But, with great determination, and a strength I knew not that I had, the sadness within me lifted, and I was left with a feeling that I cannot describe here. Maybe as my thoughts become more collected, and I have more time to think of them, it will come to me. But, it was beyond my experience and interpretation. It was more than I could process.

Daddy had to go put big brother to bed for his nap. Daddy sat in the rocking chair, torn down by the news, so sad that I might not live a happy life. Big brother nestled his head in Daddy's arm as he read in a weak voice The Runaway Bunny. When I saw how much Daddy loved big brother, and how worried his was for me, I knew that my life would be grand. I knew at that moment when Daddy showed his care for each of us; when Daddy held big brother close; when Daddy looked at Mommy with such love; when Daddy looked upon me, sad that I may never experience happiness. I looked back longingly at Daddy - though he could not tell, of course - and a smile wiped across my face. "With you, Daddy, and you, Mommy; with you, big brother, now can my life not be happy?"

I had grown tired from the exertion of the emotional afternoon. Daddy shut the back cover of the book "Guess How Much I love You", big brother fell asleep in his arms, and I cuddled close to my sad Mommy and did the same.

Since that was Monday, and today is Thursday, a lot has gone on since then. In another post - maybe this weekend - I will try and catch up on all of this. I will tell you that in the days that have since passed, me and all of the Insiders have succeeded in lifting Heart a little. She is getting her strength back, and the determination to rise to her strong post is returning. I've grown so strong in heart myself since the news. I have had to remain strong for my Mommy. Me and Daddy and big brother have been doing what we can to help her out.

To each of you who read this, I thank you all for your concern. I thank each of you who took the time to call Mommy and Daddy, and actually listen to their story. I thank each of you who have been checking this blog for updates each day. I thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I am doing far better now. The picture Bladder painted for me is now hung. I am accepting who I am, and I hope that each of you will too. I will still come out this Spring. I will still look longingly into Mommy's eyes the first time I see her. I will still cuddle close to my Mommy and Daddy, feeling the love they have for me, and letting them feel how much love I have for them. I still look forward to playing with the bus big brother promised me so long ago. I still look forward to going to the park with Daddy and big brother. I still look forward to drawing pictures. The life ahead of me is a different one than I (or anyone else) thought it was, but it is still going to be a good one, and one I cannot wait to get started. Daddy told me that it is all about reaching you potential. He told me that everyone is born with a different potential to reach. He said that he and Mommy strive and push themselves for different things, and that I will too. He said that he and Mommy and big brother will all help me to reach my own potential, and she said that I will very much help them push past what they thought were limits, and reach their true potential. I take great solace in this, and just know that when I do come out into your world in the Spring, I will do so into the loving, caring hands of my family. I know that they will guide me each step of the way.

Writing this has been difficult for me. I just hope that even though I began this on such a sad note, it has turned to a happy one for each of you. When I return to post some more - really soon, I promise! - the lighthearted nature will return. I am a trooper, folks. I have the love and support of my family, and in this, I know that I can reach my potential, just like Daddy said. I wish you all well in the days ahead. Stop in for a visit with Mommy and Daddy and big brother (and me! I love belly pats!). I look forward to hearing from you all. It is now time for me to take a short swim, then I am going to drift off for an early morning nap. Thanks for listening to our story.