Florence the Duck

Oh, goodness! Where has time gone? I suspect it has passed by, but did it have to pass so fast? I noticed today that it has been a rather long time since I last wrote to you all. I casually checked this evening, thinking it had been an hour or two, maybe a day at most since my last post; wasn't I shocked to find it was approaching a week! How tardy of me.

As you might imagine, I have quite a bit to write about. Presently, a week in review leaflet is in preparation, and will hit the presses later on tonight, or early tomorrow morning (or tomorrow night...). But, I will tall you about a most interesting visitor that has been staying with me for the better part of this week.

Her name is Florence, and she is a fuzzy duck. At around daybreak last Thursday, I think it was, she arrived in my home. She was from the Canadian Federation of Storks and Large Beaked Birds (CFoSaLB2). As we are all aware, storks are the primary deliverers of babies. Well, it seems that when big brother was here on the Inside, there was a big fiasco with the Stork assigned him. The stork - Mortimer - frittered away his time eating and watching Rosie reruns on the television. The day came and went for big brother to be delivered by Mortimer, but no Mortimer was to be found. Eventually, Mortimer made the trip, though not at all by himself (legend in here says that it took four helicopters to lift Mortimer off the ground).

Well, it seems that Daddy got pretty mad, and stormed the land of Storks a few weeks after big brother became an Outsider. He staged a sit-in at the office of stork coordination and administration. Eventually, a little old stork with opera glasses approached him, asking whatever the matter was, and commented that Daddy was the ugliest stork she had ever seen. Daddy explained the story of Mortimer, and the undue stress it cause everyone associated with the event (oh yeah...Mostimer also cut big brother's head by mistake!). The little old stork was appauled that such a thing happened. The chief stork - her magesty herself! - was summoned. Before her magesty herself, Daddy spoke of the Mortimer Incident - as it became known in these parts.

Her magesty herself was sympathetic, and assembled a committee to put together a plan to review the case. This committee assembled a new committee to actually review the case; these storks did the review, and reccommended some important points. The result was the Canadian Federation of Storks and Large Beaked Birds. This federation was put together to ensure open and fluent communication between storks and babies in bellies. Part of the mandate was a mandatory 3 month visit. Because of several holidays, mine came a bit late, but was nearly on schedule.

So, Florence the duck (she was contracted by the storks, as it is well known that ducks are far better at organising and planning things than storks) paid me a visit to clear the preliminary details. Here is the fact sheet she gave me.

Stork Assigned: Edgar
Age: Decrepit
Weight: About the same as a stork who is healthy, but does not count calories.
Air speed velocity (unladen): Fast.
Air speed velocity (laden): Not as fast.
Hobbies: Crafts (knitting, wood carving, stamp collecting)
Rating (0 = Bad stork, 10 = Super Stork!): 8.624908
Additional Comments: This stork is very old, but has a proven record of getting the job done. His first assignment was actually Sir John A. MacDonald, and he has since delivered many other babies of note. By the mid 1800s, he was awarded the "up-and-comer" award by the Stork society. Today, what he lacks in feathers, he makes up for in heart.

So, it looks like I've been assigned a stork named Edgar. It all sounds very exciting! It kind of makes everything seem a bit more real, you know? Well, after she went over the details of Edgar, she asked me some questions, got me to swim on a tread mill, and weighed me. Apparently, Edgar can only fly if I'm less that 30 lbs, so Florence the Duck wanted to make sure I'd remain under that until it is time to make the trip. Florence is now gone, but she promised to return in another month to give me an update on potential scheduling. At a later meeting, she will discuss the detail of the trip Edgar will help me make.

Well, that is it for the night, folks. I have to try and finish my week in review newsletter for you, and I do need my rest! I am growing like a weed! Mommy, I love you, and hope you begin to feel better soon! To the rest of you: goodnight, sweet dreams, and have a super tomorrow.